心灵港湾

I miss Japan~~~

especially my host mom, my host dad, Happy, every one of them~~~

I need a new start, and that takes time~~~

 

4-1-06            星期六

I’ve been in Japan for more than 10 days now.  已经没有了时差的困扰。早上不会6点不到就想起床，晚上也不会9点就想睡觉。My host mom is watching Harry Potter now on TV, I think my host dad is watching it too.  Watching TV is a main entertainment for them.  I like to watch TV too, but watching something that you cannot understand is not fun at all. 

OMG, it is so windy now.  I can hear the wind, and I think it is raining as well.  Before the wind was so strong that I feel the house is shaking!  Was it the earthquake?  I don’t think so, it was probably just the wind.  I’m actually looking forward to experiencing an earthquake, a small one will be good enough

新宿、 原宿、涉谷这些耳熟能详的地名现在竟然只要一搭地铁就能到达。原本这些都是血拼的好地方，可是服装的式样不是太过前卫就是太过淑女、太过可爱，根本就不适合我。现在好像流行娃娃装，被我穿上更显得我臃肿，早知道就该多从家里带些衣服来。  School won’t start till a week later.  现在什么都习惯了，就是日文好像还是没怎么进步。

4-15-07   星期天  

开学了。休息了4个多月，现在又回到了坐在教室里听课的日子。 没有什么习惯， 只是比较容易慌神。

再过一个星期，来日本就一个月了。 因为语言的关系，没法像在中国时那样想去哪里就去哪里。4月29和5月的2号和3号不用上课，想去大阪，刚刚查了夜间巴士的车票，都已经订光了。可以坐新干线，2个钟头就可以到了，但看不懂日文，查不到价钱。记得上次我host mom 帮我查的好像要300多美元。好贵，所以很犹豫，没去成。现在想想好不容易来趟日本，不好好走走好像挺可惜的。可是除了周末好像也没有什么特别长的假期，哎，真是的。

接下来短短三个多月的时间，很容易糊里糊涂地就被浪费掉。 But I don’t know exactly where I would like to go. 

Limited time + limited money.

睡Futon 好舒服，几乎跟床没有什么区别，特别是现在的天气，就适合睡觉，早上都不舍得起来。  可是那种矮矮的桌子，没有椅子，得坐在地上看书，就特累人。日本人通常应该都是跪着的吧，可是我不习惯跪，所以就盘腿坐。盘腿坐累了，我还跷腿。上网的房间也没有椅子坐，有时我还蹲在那里上网，时间长了，感觉快要断气了！睡房大概是因为小的关系，吃饭不是跪着吃的，而是用ordinary sized dinning table and chairs!  My host parents did ask me if I need a regular table and chair.  I said it’s fine.  If I prefer to sit, I’ll just go downstairs to the living room.  感觉家里好像也没有额外的正常高度桌子可以让我用的。如果我要，他们还不是得特意帮我去买？那也太麻烦了。 所以现在呢，我就干脆搬出Futon，然后把被子当床头板靠，电脑放在腿上还可以取暖，舒服！ 哈哈。 我有问过my host mom if it is necessary to put the futon back into the closet every single day.  I was thinking maybe I’ll just leave it out sometimes.  My host mom said yea, normally they will because people usually need the extra space, and the floor also needs some air! 

从医学上讲，刚吃完饭应该是不可以喝茶的。但日本人吃饭好像都习惯配茶喝。我自己也喜欢用茶减腻。Hopefully it’s won’t be too bad to my health.  

Living life to its fullest.  I feel I need to work harder on that. 

Please leave me with your mailing address if you would like me to send you a postcard J

PS: you do not need to send me back. 

Fourth day in Japan.   在旅馆住了两个晚上后，从昨天开始我们都住进了自己的host family or dormitory. 

昨天下午，我们的 host parents去了上智大学接我们。他们被安排在一个教室，我们被安排在另外一个教室先进行一个小时的orientation。接着我们被要求排着队、一个个走到教室中间自我介绍，然后host parents会向我们示意，然后我们就走到他们旁边坐下。 虽然一早就知道礼拜五下午见host family, 但我没想到竟然以这种形式。我以为只是找到对方然后大家聊一会儿就可以一起回家了。我也没想到第一次见host parents其实是一件颇让人紧张的事情。 大家都显得很anxious.  I thought I wouldn’t feel nervous but I did end up feeling so as well.  In fact, I was very scared.  We got the information about our host family ahead of time.  I know that my host parents have no children in their house.  They have a dog named Happy.  The idea that I will live with two “strangers” just freaked me out.  I am not really afraid of dogs, but I’m definitely not a dog lover either.  I am afraid that my lack of interest in their dog will probably upset or disappoint them.  不过谢天谢地，my host parents turned out to be extremely nice.  我的host mom真的可以被形容为温荣、体贴。我的host dad我今天早上才正式跟他见面。 That is because my host dad will not come home till 10PM on week days because he will usually go drink after his work.  I am still suffering from jetlag so I went to sleep pretty early.  Therefore, before I met host dad, I thought I would never get along with him.  I thought he must be an alcoholic, and he must does not care about my existence in the house.  Surprisingly, my host dad is as kind as my host mom.  He cooks breakfast for my host mom on weekends!  He even went to shopping with me today while my host mom was in her meeting!  He smokes but he never smoke in the house!  He tells jokes… overall, he is just soooooooo nice!  I told him that I thought my host dad would be someone who would be really restrain and conservative.  He said people are changing.  His dad was like that.  Both of my host parents are very westernized or maybe modernized? They used to live in Germany and London because of my host dad’s work.  He works for a trading company.  My host mom’s major was English literature.  Both of their English is great!  Otherwise I wouldn’t be able to communicate with them at all since my Japanese is so poor.  I didn’t realized how poor my Japanese is till I moved in with my host family.  Many students complain that they don’t get much chance to practice Japanese since their host family always wants to practice English.  Such case does not apply to me.  My host parents always try to talk to me in Japanese, they understand that one of my goals here is to learn the language.  However, it is my fault that my Japanese is too poor, so they have to talk to me in English in order for me to understand.  I’m sure that if I’m willing to put my effort to learn the language, I will definitely improve!  I have the best opportunity now.  But I’m still adjusting to the time here now.  I get sleepy and tired very easily since I always wake up around 6 these days.  They have one son and two daughters.  Their youngest daughter is a fly attendant!  She must be very pretty since my host mom is pretty.  Tomorrow, their elder daughter who just got a baby and their son will come to visit.  My host mom said that they are coming to visit me!  OMG, I’m feeling bad because I don’t think it is necessary.  I didn’t really prepare gifts for them neither!   

Japanese houses are small.  My room is not spacious but big enough for me to use.  I sleep on Futon.  It is very comfortable, but just need to be putted away every morning.  I cannot continue with my habit of lying on bed whenever I do my reading.  Maybe I could just leave it out?  But my host mom will come in to my house in order to access to the balcony to hang the clothes.  Dryers are not used in most Japanese families.  Another down side is that I do not really have internet access.  My host mom does not encourage me to use internet.  She said told to feel free using the internet when I need it for schoolwork.  So in other words, do not use it when it is not necessary.  But internet is my primary tool of keeping touch with people.  It is only my main entertainment tool when I’m home.  Maybe I should let them know?  Maybe I can offer paying some extra money?  My host dad told me today that “we are not rich but not poor neither; we are average.  For previous years, we have to pay for our children’s tuitions.  They finished school these years so we started enjoy our lives.  Now we have a new family that includes you.”  I feel very touched!   He said that I think because he was having starbucks coffee, and he asked me if I want coffee and I said no.     My host parents love coffee!  I decline his offer not because I want to save his money but because I really dislike coffee!  My heartbeat speeds up whenever I drink coffee so I really prefer tea.   Anyway, I’ll see what happens.  If I really need internet in order to “survive,” I will find a way to let them know and see what I can do about it. 

I need a cellphone!  We cannot get the cellphone till we are registered and obtained certain kind of paper work.  Phone charges are not cheap in Japan so I cannot call any of my friends!  My host parents insisted and let me made a direct phone call to my parents since my phone doesn’t work anymore for some reasons.  In fact I just need to let my parents know that I gave them the wrong country code last time.  They would probably figure it out on their own eventually, but my host dad said that it’s okay, just call.  They do really care about such charges.  I know they are being kind so I hang up as soon as possible. 

My host parents are extremely nice and kind, but I still miss my family!  Of course living with my own family feels more comfortable.  I would feel more freely, even if I live in dorms.  Living with people who are not your parents or friends, I feel like I always need to watch my actions.  They probably feel a little inconvenient too as a result of me living in their house. 

Feeling very dizzy now.  I guess I need to nap again before dinner so I’ll have the energy to do the dishes.  I volunteer to do the dishes since my host mom cooks dinner. 

纪录于2007三月7号下午3点半

刚刚我竟然在我们住房的管理中心和那里的人大吵了一架，搞到他们快要叫保安人员把我轰出去。 从来都是和平主义者的我，不知道这次为什么会这么激动。平时和朋友都很少吵嘴，跟别人起正面冲突更是少之又少，总觉得不理他们就好。但这次我不知道自己为什么就不能跟往常一样，忍一忍，办完事就走人。更丢脸的是我跟他们吵着吵着眼泪就不自觉得留下来。他们看到我哭大概也觉得很惊讶，大概也觉得好笑吧，哪有跟人吵架吵到自己先哭的。我都不知道自己到底在哭些什么。

事情是这样的。我表弟把钥匙弄丢了，所以小姨昨天去了住房管理中心想买一把新的。结果他们拿了小姨的那把钥匙，而且查出那把钥匙不是属于小姨的，而是属于他们那里的工作人员。 没错，那把钥匙是我小姨爹从某个楼房清扫人员那里用同样的价格买回来的。 但无论如何，是我们理亏，所以当我小姨想叫我去跟他们讲讲，试图拿回那把钥匙时，我就觉得可能性不大，因为本来就是小姨他们做了不合法的勾当。 昨天第一次去，接待人是一个长头发的工作人员，也是惹火我的罪魁祸首，她一看到我的小姨就用很不客气地口吻说“She’s not getting back the key!” 那时我觉得是我们理亏，所以虽然她用了很不客气的口吻说话，我也没有说什么，只是把我小姨的话翻给她听，问她那如果我们想跟他们买钥匙需要多少钱，需要哪些手续等等。 后来她不知道怎么搞得好像跟她的上司报告这件事情。 那个上司倒是态度客气地跟我们说，我们可以去找那个卖钥匙的人当面去那里说清楚。买钥匙的话我们需要money order.  We all know that finding that key seller and expecting him to tell the truth is totally impossible.  所以今天小姨就买了两张money order想买两把钥匙，因为她的那把拿不会来了　（哦，这个钥匙不能自己配是因为我们大楼门的钥匙是一个圆圆的，像吸铁一样的东西）。结果又是那个长头发的女的接待我们。一开始帮我们去找了档案，结果她竟然说什么不能给我们两把，因为说什么每户人家只能有４把。然后要我们２点半等还有一个女的上班了再问她买。她说话的态度当然很不好，当我问她，“what time should we come again?” 她当我是弱智似的用很白痴的口气说, “ 2:30, do you understand?”  当是我也没有跟她争，心想，好，那我们就２点半再来吧。 那时回到家后，其实我就已经觉得很不爽。我觉得我们不应该就这么乖乖得听她。我应该反问她，　你昨天怎么不跟我们讲清楚要我们２点半来？还有我觉得自己应该直接了当得跟她说，I don’t like your attitude.  Can you talk to us nicely? 我不知道当时如果我能跟她心平气和，像开玩笑口吻似的跟她讲，不知是否会改变她的态度？ 好，到了两点半，我和小姨又去了。心想这次我们应该就可以买到钥匙了。他们一见到我们，那个长头发的就问我们building number and apartment number. 还有短头发的那个女的，也就是昨天发现我小姨的钥匙不是从他们那里买的，连头都没有抬起来看我们。然后又很不客气地问我小姨拿她的身份证明。后来好像是他们说不能买两把，不知怎么的又提到那把illegal key。然后我就很不客气地回她, “speaking of that key, I think something must be wrong within your own management team. ”然后那个女的听了就很生气，她还断意取章地认为我在隐射是她把钥匙买个别人的。我之后也跟他解释I don’t mean you as you individual, but as the whole management department.  然后她又要我们把其他的钥匙都带过来，因为他说不知道我们到底有几把，不知道还有几把也是非法的。我当时气得不行，就说，“you think we have that much time? We all have to earn a living like you!  How can we get all the keys together for you?  People need to go out and work!”  她说他不管，如果我们不给他其他三把钥匙，她就不给我们新的钥匙。当时我心里想，你们的脑子是不是有毛病啊。我们现在是要付钱买你们的钥匙，又不是要免费拿？　接着他们又威胁我说如果我再吵，他们就要去找保安人员把我踢出去了。我当时觉得自己好像不是在吵，只是跟你们在理论嘛。当时陆续有人来付房租，有人说就照他们的方法做吧，把其他的三把钥匙拿过来。然后我在那里很白痴的说，我觉得它们种族歧视！　然后就有个老太婆说，哦，这好像不是歧视，不来就得按规矩办事情。这是什么规矩啊？买一把钥匙哪有这么麻烦？你以为我们第一次买钥匙啊。我真得觉得是因为他们觉得我们理亏在先，所以想故意为难我们。但因为钥匙不是我买的，所以我一直就不觉得理亏。那个长头发女的前两次无缘无故这么不客气地跟我讲话，我实在是很不爽。我觉得如果是African American or Hispanic, 他们一定不会这样一次一次地刁难他们。我跟他们说，“I don’t know what is the problem here.  We just want to purchase the key, and I believe we have the right to purchase the key!”  然后我又很气地跟他们说，“I want to talk to you manager!”  She was like “oh, you can write to our manager.”  So I was like fine, let me have the name.  她写了名字给我，然后我说我也要你们的名字。那个短头发女的只写了自己的名字给我，还说“哦，我也会跟我的经理讲的，你们买不合法的钥匙。”　然后我跟她讲，钥匙不是主要问题，我现在要反映的是你们对我的态度！我也挺bitchy 地说，你的handwriting 我看不懂，你写清楚些。当然她回答我说，“看不懂是你自己的问题。”　后来他们总算同意给我们买一把钥匙，开始办理手续。我站在那里越想越气，然后就开始哭了。我小姨看到我哭，吓一跳，以为他们骂了我。其实他们真的没有骂我。虽然他们没有直接地骂我，但她们的态度实在让我很生气。我一直觉得自己理直气壮，他们不可以那么没礼貌的跟我讲话。还有不知道为什么，我一直觉得她们认为我们是中国人所已才这样对待我们。　接着他们要小姨进里屋办手续，然后还大声地跟我说， “She cannot come in.”  当时我想，你以为我稀罕哦。后来不知道怎么搞的，她们竟然同意给小姨两把钥匙，一把还是免费的。不管是出于什么原因使她们这么做，我觉得自己当时不应该大声地跟她们讲话。我的辨别能力还是不够强。一气急，就会大声说话，挺没水准的。说到底，觉得还是自己太小孩子气，社会经验不足，在加上“娇生惯养”，身心和体力上都受不起一点挫伤。我跟她们吵最主要的原因是想让他们明白中国人也是懂得理论的，不是随你们摆布的。但她们有可能根本就没得到这个讯息？！哎，如果是这样的话，我就亏大了，呵呵。　习惯了一直跟礼貌人士打交道，突然遇上这两个狗眼看人低的家伙，做了回不像自己的自己。　

我现在还是很气。虽然回想起刚刚的一切，好像不值得自己为此打动肝火。但我还是觉得那个长头发女的种族歧视！我真的很想写信给他们的经理。虽然我知道就算我写了，那个经理也不一定会读到。就算读到了，他们大概也不会受到什么惩罚。还有我不知道该怎样describe that long hair girl’s attitude.  I feel like this is something one needs to sense on one’s own.  　　　　

谁说开车很简单？今天第一次学开车，1个半小时后还是完全没有找到感觉，觉得开车难死了！

俗话说，做事不能一心二用。可是开车的时候不得不一边顾着脚上踩着的油门或刹车，一边还得顾着手上的方向盘，两眼还得环顾四周，像我这种反应迟钝的家伙实在不能胜任。 I’m just having this feeling that driving is not my THING! Before today I couldn’t imagine myself driving.  Now after 1hour and half classes, I am even sure that this is a big challenge for me.  他们已经帮我报名在20号我去日本之前让我体验一次考试。到时我就上了10堂课，每堂课45分钟，也就是total of  7 and half hours. 纽约市的road test出了名的难考，现在连直线都还不会开的我如果能在一个月之后通过那个考试，那就是奇迹了！

The only two saved entries from winter break traveling in China.

7月18日 西安 星期一 晴

前一个晚上还在北大的宿舍里悠悠在在地上网，只是两天的功夫，已经在西安走了一天了。昨天在火车上，室友跟我都睡不着觉，都觉得怎么就这么结束了，很想念北大，想念在北大的朋友，还有分散东西的同学。室友说她没有想到自己会舍不得北大，而我早已预料到自己会舍不得在北京学习生活的日子。那时人虽然已经在火车上了，但还是感觉不到学期已经结束，好像只是学期中的一次旅游似的。 现在一天走下来，三个人旅行一切都要自己搞定，没有老师或者旅行团来帮我们搞定一切，所以感觉到了不同。我现在已经意识到we on our own now. 

我们住的地方是国际旅行社。地点很不错，就在西安市中心，那个钟楼就在我们的窗外。但卫生条件不是太好。地毯是黑的，被子看起来也脏脏的，最要命的是刚刚想洗澡，竟然没冷水！ 说马上来修，还没来！ 连脸都洗不了，实在是过分！去下一站目的地时大概得找个好的。

一天走下来，好累！今天走了三个景点：兵马俑、华清池和秦陵。交通出奇地方便！虽然那些公共车的卫生程度和安全度不怎么样。打算明天再待一个晚上，后天下午坐火车去南京。从这里坐火车到南京少说也得15个小时吧。 火车站真的是人口杂乱。同行的伙伴因为是白人，在北京火车站等车时几乎就只有她一个外国人，所以就很引人注意，很恐怖，我怕会被抢。之前跟group travel，虽然也有类似的经验，但很多人所以一点都不怕。而且看那些外国同学对中国人、事的一些反应，有时还觉得挺好笑，挺有意思的。所以目前唯一觉得自己旅游和跟团体旅游最大的区别就是前者比较让我觉得不安。 但目前为止我们还是安全地度过了。 值得庆贺！

7-19-06

Today is one of those days that I wish it could be started all over again!  My friend’s camera got pickpocketed when we went to visit the Big Goose Pagoda.  Although I have heard many times that pickpocketing is very common in China, part of me did not want to believe till it really happened to us.  The most dramatic part was that I was actually taking photos of my friend from a relatively far distance when her camera was being stolen.  My initial intention was to take a photo of her getting food, but who knows that it would be a such crucial moment, otherwise I would take a series of close shots, or I might just be able to capture that damn guy!   My friend love taking photos, and she just got the camera this summer.  I am feeling so so bad for her.  She seems fine now, but I still cannot get it over personally.  I have been feeling insecure since we left Beijing.  Girls travel alone is already considered to be little risky and plus none of us is an experienced traveler.  So now I am feeling more terrifying.  I am scared that more terrible things might happen.  I am also worrying about the 20-hour train ride to Nanjing tomorrow.  I am not sure how safe the train ride will be and how comfortable it will be.      

Now I just do not have a good impression of Xi’an.  Not so good local food, polluted air, dirty bus, scary people, and the International Youth hostel we are staying at is not great neither.  I kind want to go back to my hometown already.  But I cannot leave my American classmate alone since she does not speak much Chinese and she would have a harder time traveling by herself.  Plus my friend who lost the camera did not mention of terminating our plan, I just do not have the reason to leave.  This is me.  Every time I encounter obstacles, I always think of giving up. I guess this is a good chance for me to learn.  Learn to face the difficulties and simply just enjoy my time touring around in China.  I understand that the chance I am having now is very precious.  It’s like dream coming true.  I have to be brave!  But still, I am feeling bad for my friend.  All the pictures she took since the day we left Beida are gone.  I rather that damn guy took my camera.  We would feel better even if he gives back the memory stick.  There are just too many if’s. If we didn’t go visit the whatever Goose Pagoda, if we didn’t take that path, if we didn’t stop for the ice cream… now I am just hoping that we will be safe from now on!